The Buddha Box
SUMMARY
Author's note: An AU where the South Park boys are girls and South Park girls are boys. A genderbend fic based off the Buddha box episode and went crazy with my own off screen headcanons of what probably went down for the Creek girlfriends!The Craig gang are all girls. All genderswapped here. So the names might be different for some. Names will change when I think of better ones.
Craig: Claire
Clyde: Claudia
Jimmy: Jamie
Tolkien: Tamirah
Tweek: Tweek
Only mentioned:
Nichole: Nicholas
Wendy: Wendyl
Bebe: Buddy
Cartman: Erica
I am open to writing other ships. Let me know on comments.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Though she was walking out of school while holding her girlfriend's hand, Tweek felt more alone than ever. Normally, she'd be rambling about her whole day or about what's stressing her at the moment. But lately, she's realized her talking would just fall on deaf ears as Claire, walking beside her, wore a box over her head while her free hand was occupied by the phone. So the walks were silent nowadays. There were attempts in the beginning to engage with the taller girl, but the attempts stopped at a point. And Tweek was the one to guide her and make sure Claire didn't walk into anyone or walk into the road.
Had it not been for Tweek walking her to her classes and back from school, who knows where Claire would've ended up ever since she took to using the Buddha Box.
"Oh, thank you for walking with Claire home, Tweek. We really appreciate it." Laura greeted the girls with a smile while she guided her daughter inside.
"Oh. I-It's no problem, Mrs. Tucker." she uttered. Her usual nervous tic of gripping her shirt was happening right about now. "Um. Bye, Claire. I'll see you tomorrow."
She'd turn her back and leave the steps after she says this. There was no need for Tweek to wait for any answer. She knew by now there'd be no response. Like it has been since that stupid box came into existence.
~*~*~*~
It took days of Claire Tucker resorting to Erica's Buddha box to cope with her anxiety and stresses before she came to her senses and realized what was still waiting for her when she was in favor of this hiding.
Eventually, due to grades slipping, her parents took the box and wouldn't allow her to have it back until things improved.
So here she was, facing everything that made her uncomfortable again. The noise. The constant need for her help from everyone. She wanted to be the best girlfriend so she gave all her attention to Tweek every time. The grades that got put on the back burner. Everyone needs her time and she has had none left for herself lately. All this is bottled up with no way out for her to express. Who could fault her for finding Erica's box intriguing? At least that's what she'd say to anyone else if they asked her why.
While she dreaded coming back to reality and her obligations, she missed Tweek. She missed holding that shy blonde in her arms. She missed hearing that shaky but cute voice of hers. It's almost heartbreaking that she wasn't holding the other girl's hand right now.
She felt guilty for ignoring the stresses of grades, maintaining her relationship, frustration at being unable to express what she was feeling to anyone, and being over-stimulated by everything and everyone was so unbearable for a 10-year-old girl to take! The quiet from the box was the soothing she needed. Nobody was expecting anything of her then. She had no obligations for once. So she admits the box was a good thing, but she now realizes it wasn't good for what it caused.
It was thanks to Tamira and the rest of her friends that Claire was able to keep up to date on what she missed. They also were generous enough to warn her that Tweek had been nothing but worried sick for her. Tweek had waited for Claire for as long as she could before the obvious absence of the blonde at their usual lunch table was apparent. That absence had to be explained by Claudia and Tamira, as well.
While Tweek had waited for Claire for some time, even going as far as to make extra notes for Claire to keep from failing classes too terribly, it seems Claire came back a little too late. And it looked like the notes stopped at some point. Hence banned from her box due to her grades. Claudia also warned her that Tweek was emotionally checked out and began to avoid the group entirely for the past few days.
Warning or not, it was obvious enough seeing Tweek hang out with Buddy and Wendyl. Much to Claire's concern, Wendyl gave the black-haired girl a glare before resuming to focus on his conversation with Buddy and Tweek.
It would take a few more days for Claire to get a chance to convince Tweek to speak with her, let alone get Tweek to stay and talk to her for the first time in a while. Claire's inquiring if they could talk that afternoon was met with a curt "I guess we could." from Tweek. While it made the taller girl wince, she understood where it came from. That was the longest day of school for Claire Tucker. There was dread, but she also wanted to talk to her girlfriend so badly. At least talk to her more than her attempting to say hi and getting brushed off.
~*~*~*~
And that is why the two were now at Stark Lake when the sun was coming down and the street lamps were turning on. Kids were usually at home eating supper with their parents by this time. Yet they sat here even in a long moment of silence.
Stark Lake was quiet around this time of late afternoon to evening hours. As lovely as this was, the silence that's usually comfortable with the two of them was very tense and uncomfortable right now.
Claire stares at her own hands in her lap. She didn't raise her head to look at Tweek who sat next to her on the bench, but she knew Tweek wasn't making an effort to make eye contact. Both girls stare at the lake in front of them. The sun was just about down because a few stars were starting to peek out. At least Claire could get some relief from the almost suffocating silence by looking at the stars.
This was unbearable. Claire wanted out. She was sure that Tweek wanted out too. The temptation to grab the box and hide herself in it again was so strong but it wasn't there; Her hands reaching out for the nonexistent box confirmed that much.
But even if the box was there? No. Not again.
This knee-jerk reaction in an attempt to handle her own stress is how they got to this point. It's what caused her to hurt the person she loved. She owes her friends and lover this much.
Gathering her courage, the taller girl glanced at the shorter one beside her. The black-haired girl hoped that Tweek would speak first. But judging by how Tweek was still looking forward to the lake and not even looking at her, it looked like Claire would have to do it. Claire wouldn't blame Tweek for that. Tweek just wasn't going to try to get her attention anymore. Why should she? She tried over and over and was met with no response every time. Enough was enough. Claire made that poor girl try so hard to reach her until Tweek gave up and began to be silently hurt.
Well.
Actually...
It might not be necessarily Tweek silently hurting, and just be Claire not seeing the hurt Tweek felt at that time. She would have no idea how much Tweek cried and attempted to make conversations.
A tan hand lays itself atop the pale and trembling hand next to her. Even if Tweek didn't make an effort to return the hand holding yet, Claire lets herself look at her hand lying on top of Tweek's. Finally, Claire speaks up.
"I'm.. I'm really sorry, Tweek. What happened wasn't fair to you."
A few seconds of silence was between the two girls. A tic makes Tweek jump and their hands move a little. As expected. The tics were more noticeable when Tweek was upset or distressed.
"Nnng... I-I can believe that much," Tweek replied softly. But the fact that she still didn't look Claire's way, as justified as it is, made Claire's chest tighten again. She sighs as she stares at their hands.
"I wasn't doing this with the intention to ignore you, honey."
"But -nngh!- But ignoring me still happened."
Claire winces at how fast Tweek responded to that. She glances over at the blonde again and she becomes concerned at the shaking coming from Tweek. A free trembling hand gripped her skirt and her whole frame trembled. (Whether it was the autumn cold or the anxiety, it was hard to say.) Her body spasmed and her head twitched to the side intensely.
"...I know."
"But I-I also know you don't hate me or want to be cruel. You couldn't always take on all of this mess. So It's- It's ok."
Claire raised a brow at this. This was awfully understanding of her. A bit too understanding for Tweek who usually had a lot to say.
The dark haired girl turned her body to completely face Tweek and held that hand in both of hers.
"No, I should've said something! Anything but avoid the problem like I did... You did nothing wrong. You're not a mess." She lets one of her hands lay atop Tweek's cheek. She tenses when she felt moisture on that cheek. She really had made her cry.. How awful.
"That stupid box said otherwise. -Gah!- I drove you to that point. And if it wasn't me, then I contributed to it." Tweek retorted, taking her hand back into her lap, turned away to face the lake. Those pale hands, adorned with bandaids, gripped the fabric of her skirt till her knuckles turned white.
"But Tweek..."
"You don't have to protect my feelings about this, Claire! I'd rather you don't do that now cause I need your honesty right now!"
"No! I just-"
"I... I need to learn not to take it personally when you need a break and not jump to conclusions like I did." The blonde girl kept rambling and obviously wasn't even aware the dark-haired girl was trying to say something.
"Tweek!"
"So it's alright, Claire. I needed the reality check that I gotta learn to try to help myself before relying on you. You're my girlfriend. Not my therapist. Nngh... It wasn't fair to make you bear all that emotional baggage. I'm really sorry, Claire."
Tweek yelps when hands slam onto her shoulders firmly. She finally looks up to see Claire had gotten up from the bench and was now standing in front of her and leaning over her.. A firm glare met startled eyes.
"Honey! For the love of god, listen to me for a minute!"
Blue eyes wide from being startled didn't avert their gaze from those intense green eyes.
"You're right. I got overwhelmed with things. I had a lot on my mind. And I'm gonna have to let you know when I need my space. I promise I will. But I still want to help you when you need it. I don't... I don't..."
Claire's throat tightens and her voice cracks at that last word. Her eyes began to burn and wetness was making her vision begin to blur. Tweek looked so clear in front of her but now was blurred from tears brimming her own eyes.
"I just don't want you to think you can't rely on me anymore. Please. I-..."
A tear spills over her cheek and she's not reaching to wipe it away. Sobs cut her off harshly when she attempted to continue and eventually gave up.
"D-Dammit..." she'd mumble as she tried to apologize to Tweek for this scene she's making. When did she get so emotional??? How embarrassing.
"Claire?"
The soft voice calling her name and the sensation and warmth of Tweek's hand on her wet and warm cheeks was so relieving. Like one of the many weights coming off her shoulders that she had to endure alone for weeks. That is why this gesture made Claire sob harder. Her hand lays over Tweek's in her attempt to assure Tweek that she is doing nothing wrong when she sees the worried look on Tweek's face.
Tweek's hand moves away and there's a whimper from the other girl when it leaves. The hands are back on Claire, now around her hips, as Tweek guides Claire to sit on her lap. Claire hid her face into Tweek's shoulder out of instinct. Maybe a bit of embarrassment, as well. (Because since when did Tuckers show this much emotion? God dammit.) Much more to her embarrassment and frustration, the crying resumed for another moment. The sobs were muffled. Her shoulders shook with sobs and hiccups. (And they both shook with the occasional twitch from Tweek's tics.)
Tweek's hand rubbed awkward but gentle circles on the small of Claire's back. The softest shushes, "It's ok."'s and "I'm right here and not going anywhere, Claire' reassurances would be heard while Claire tried to regain her usual Tucker composure.
"P-Please, Tweek. I never-" A hitched breath cuts her off as she's hanging her head low and is now hugging Tweek in return. While she was ashamed of herself, she felt free to finally express this much. So she continues.
"I never want to be some bad girlfriend that you can't even come to with your problems."
"Claire..."
Tweek pushes Claire off her shoulder gently to make her look at her. Red and puffy eyes met concerned ones.
"Please l-look at me." Tweek would softly ask this when Claire attempted to look away. But that's an order Claire wouldn't just disobey as much as she wanted to hide her now-red and puffy face. So she looked at Tweek as asked.
"Is that what you're afraid of? That I'd stop coming to you entirely just because you couldn't help me once?"
There was silence, but there was a nod and sniffling from Claire. Before she could aggressively wipe her face with her sleeve, Tweek reached up to wipe the remaining tears on her face.
"I'd never think less of you just because you get overwhelmed sometimes. If anything... -ngh!- I'm glad you're letting me see your side that needs comfort too. Y-You're human, Claire! So let me help you like you always helped me, tiger."
There'd now be a kiss on the black-haired girl's nose in an attempt to cheer her up. Which sort of worked cause there's a tearful giggle from Claire at this affection. And Tweek would also add more to what she was saying.
"I'm sorry for stonewalling you earlier when you've been trying to get my attention, Claire. -Agh!-. I should've been more understanding. I hurt you too."
"It's ok. I deserved it." Claire's attempt to brush it off with a shrug was apparent and was stopped when Claire was brought into a tight hug again. If she wanted to get off Tweek's lap, she wasn't going to be able to for a while, it seems.
"No! God no, you didn't!" A kiss to the corner of Claire's wet eyes made the dark-haired girl sigh in contentment and exhaustion which was setting in.
"We're both gonna talk when we have certain feelings and important things to say." Claire says as she lays her head down on Tweek's shoulder - just enjoying the closeness now - and processing this whole exchange so far.
"And we're going to tell each other what we want when we feel that way. I'll even try to help you if you tell me what to do." Tweek adds with a content hum and her hand reaches up to stroke black hair. Claire hums in pleasure at this. It took Tweek time, but when she learned that Claire loved having her hair stroked, she was glad to oblige.
"I-I missed you, Claire." There was a shy peck of a kiss from Tweek. It was adorable how despite being bold enough to initiate affection, Tweek was still so shy or apologetic about giving it; like she didn't want to bother her. Claire couldn't get enough of that about her girlfriend.
"I missed you too." Claire was glad to return the kiss to that soft freckled cheek.
So they would cherish this quiet moment for a bit. That would be short-lived when a sneeze from Claire eventually breaks the comfortable silence. Tweek giggles at the sheepish blush that came to the other girl's sun-kissed cheeks. The cold may have caused the sneeze, but it wasn't what caused that blushing, for sure.
"It's late. Can't have you getting another cold either, Claire. Let's go."
"For the last time. I got that cold last time from Claudia. Idiot keeps coming to school sick. Speaking of school. Remind me to kick Erica's ass for suggesting that stupid box."
Claire finally got off Tweek's lap and held a hand out to her girlfriend.
"Right... We'll stick with that story. And -Agh!- I'll help you beat up Erica." Tweek giggled at the retort as she reached up to accept the offered hand and stood up off the bench.
"I really miss Stripe. Can I see her, Claire?"
"Of course. Come sleep at my house tonight while you're at it." That would be the response Tweek is met with when they walk away from the lake together and they'd look up to see the stars on their walk to the Tucker residence.
-END-
